Trevor’s Experiences with Love and Personal Growth

Written on 11/27/2022

Love is when someone has a deep, intense affection for another person. Patricia, Trevor’s mother, played a big role in his life as Trevor experienced motherly love from Patricia and was given life lessons from her. He has also experienced a variety of love affairs which included Fufi and a Valentine choosing someone else, having a crush who liked him back and going to a dance with a girl. He also learns how his mother loves him by hitting him when he also got beaten by Abel. Trevor could sense that Abel, his stepfather, did not hit him out of love but with rage. Throughout the story, Trevor learned about what love means through different experiences and how that affected his personal growth.

Trevor learns that the reason his mother is hard on him is out of love in his adulthood. He would receive all sorts of physical beatings from her that could range from being chased, and items being thrown at him and he had to catch it or it would be his fault if it breaks. Patricia would give these punishments to Trevor so he could learn the consequences before the world system would do so. The world tends to be harsh and racial profiling of colored people. With the colonization that white people have done, they have all the privileges and power. It was always everyone who was not white that would get discriminated against in one way or another. Patricia knew that and had to give Trevor lessons herself of the consequences whenever Trevor would do something that would break the rules. She knew that the world will punish [him] even worse” (Noah 766) even if he does not even deserve that type of punishment.

Patricia had told Trevor that if he gets locked up then he would “tell the police to lock [him] up just to teach [him] a lesson” (Noah 709). She expresses this statement to him in hopes the author would be more careful with avoiding getting arrested. However, Trevor had been arrested and put into jail where his survivability, mental health, and masking toughness were being tested. Eventually, Trevor was released from jail and learned that his mother had paid for his lawyer and bail. He saw how much she loved and cared for him despite her having said a statement that showed the opposite. Abel had once tried to discipline Trevor and he quickly noticed that Abel was beating him out of rage, not out of any purpose at all. Trevor felt terrified of him ever since that one encounter which led to him never having close contact with Abel and always keeping his distance from him. This one experience with Abel showed the comparison of discipline between Abel and Patricia. Patricia had always tried disciplining Trevor out of love and to teach him the consequences of his actions. Trevor understood why Patricia had strict behavior towards him later on in his life.

Trevor also learned love lessons from the experience of his dog and the romance of girls in his life. Trevor had a deaf dog named Fufi who he adored but chose another boy that wasn’t Trevor even after he had begged Fufi to come to him. Therefore, Trevor learned that “You do not own the thing that you love” (Noah 329). Trevor was able to see the perspective of Fufi just living her best life. Fufi still had chosen to stay with Trevor which shows that Fufi still loves spending time with him. He had thought that people’s romantic behavior was following social scripts and social hierarchies. As a result, this lesson led him to never ask out his high school crush, Zaheera, who had liked him back. When he learned that she felt the same as he did after she moved to the United States, he was filled with regret thinking that just confessing “might have changed [his] life” (Noah 464).

He had understood the lesson that inaction can lead to uncertainty and regret. It is the same as if someone had chosen to go into the workforce instead of attending college. A major choice can lead to entirely different outcomes. Even small choices can lead to a big change as well. An example is not choosing to attend math class. That choice could end up leading to missing out a whole section of notes. The narrator had discovered more wisdom due to his romantic affairs and his affair with Fufi.

He had also received freedom from his mother and was taught to be able to do whatever he wanted. Patricia had shown the author freedom and made sure that his childhood “would bear no resemblance to hers” (Noah 224). Xhosa families would always give their children names that have a meaning which would become self-fulfilling. She chose a name that had no meaning whatsoever so Trevor can become anyone he could want to be or go anywhere he wanted to. This led Trevor to not feel like he had responsibility in fulfilling his name’s meaning. He had the choice of absolutely anything he wanted. In adulthood, his career choice was to be a comedian, which no family told him to become one. It was his choice all on his own that he became a comedian. His mother had brought him to parks when they had moved to Eden Park and they even had picnics together. She took him to places that black people usually didn’t go to at the time and she had refused the idea of what black people could and couldn’t do. This made Trevor feel like he wasn’t confined to one social standing where he wasn’t allowed to do certain things just because of his race.

The places included visiting and looking at the white neighborhood houses, ice skating, and watching movies. Trevor was shown these places so he has an idea of a life where he can explore the world and travel to wherever he may want. He was shown freedom in his life where he has choices and doesn’t have to follow one pathway alone where he is restricted by choices. Patricia had raised Trevor and taught him the mindset that he “should speak up for [himself], that [his] ideas and thoughts and decisions mattered” (Noah 250). Trevor being told this would mean that he would have self-confidence and high self-esteem. This also means that he can be able to stand up for himself and know when to stop being in certain environments where it was harming him rather than doing him good. He also wouldn’t be a pushover and have others walk over him due to his high self-confidence and self-esteem. Trevor’s mother had raised him on how to be free and to stand up for himself.

Trevor also received love from his father despite not seeing him as much as he did with his mother. At first, Robert did not want to have kids after Patricia had asked him multiple times to be the one that allowed Patricia to have a kid. He had answered yes one time and when Patricia came home from the hospital, Robert had stated “I want that kid in my life” (Noah 352) and even asked where his kid was. Robert would always cook for his son whenever Trevor visited. When Trevor visited on his birthday, he received his favorite food, toys, and a card from Robert. This made Trevor feel loved and appreciated by his father. If Robert had not shown love to Trevor then the two would have had an indifferent relationship. Trevor would have been living thinking that his father did not want him. Which can lead to lower self-esteem and issues of feeling unloved and not wanted. However, Trevor was unable to visit his father as a teenager and didn’t see his dad until he was 24.

When Trevor did go see his dad, he had given him the same meals that Trevor had received when he was younger and even had a scrapbook that had everything Trevor was mentioned in, “from magazine covers to the tiniest club listings” (Noah 358). Robert had been watching Trevor’s career grow from the beginning. The author had cried out of happiness knowing that his father had been thinking of him, was interested in what career he was into, and was even proud of him. He felt so happy that Robert had chosen to “have [him] in his life” (Noah 359). This made the author feel loved and appreciated and the issues of wondering if his father had cared and loved him or not were solved. Robert had cared about him which proved the self-doubt thoughts of him not caring to be wrong. This shaped Trevor into who he is by knowing what healthy fatherly love looked like. If he wasn’t shown this type of love from Robert then he could have sought fatherly love from Abel which isn’t healthy. Robert had given Trevor love and affection even if he wasn’t in his life as Patricia was.

In conclusion, Trevor had grown to understand multiple lessons in his life that shaped who he would become. His mother was the biggest role in helping him shape who he is and in how to think. He knew the difference between being hit out of love and out of violence when seeing the difference between getting disciplined by Patricia and Abel. He felt chosen by his father when Robert had chosen to give Trevor his address. The author had even had his fair share of lessons in romances and with Fufi. Considering all these experiences, it has helped shape who Trevor is currently.