What Is My World Supposed to Look Like?

Written on 10.19.2025

Last updated on 10.25.2025

Who am I?
Am I a soldier?
What am I supposed to be the perfect soldier?
What is the perfect soldier supposed to look like anyway?
Why do I want to be a perfect soldier?
Why did I create myself a perfect mask?

I no longer have the energy to fulfill being the perfect soldier.
I am simply too tired to be a soldier.
I just want to be a normal civilian again.
Who was I when I was a civilian before, though?
Did I even have any friends to play with when I was a child?

The children I played with when I was little were all mean….
They would just insult me…
Then they would bully me…
They would call me the ugly soldier
They would say I’m an annoying soldier
They would demand me to do my tasks faster
I knew I deserved better than that, so I left eventually….

I’m just a normal civilizan
There is no need for me to be the perfect killing machine anymore
I deserve to be happy and do simple things
Going shopping when I have days off
Enjoying the feeling of peace
There is no need for me to complete my missions as soon as possible anymore
I can just enjoy the world as it is

Cooking pancakes and waffles on a free day
Going to the gym and getting a good workout in
Playing video games is my way of happiness
Lying on my bed as a way to relax
All of these activities are just being a normal civilian

Who do I truly want to be?
A civilian? A soldier? A nurse?
I don’t know who my identity is anymore
I don’t know who I want to be anymore
I don’t know what my purpose is anymore

I have lost my driving force
I have lost my purpose
I have lost my own personal meaning
I have lost my own self
I have lost my happiness